WITH all this heroic talk of war, and what a jolly good idea it would be to teach the bedraggled Russian fighters a lesson, it might help to consider the state of the British Army.
Official strength – if that is the word for a force that could not fill Wembley – is around 78,000.
Of that, around 13,000 are women – one in six soldiers. The Army has expressed a preference for recruiting women in future, so expect this to rise. This leaves 65,000 men in the Army overall.
Not everyone in the Army fights. Those who do – armour, air corps, infantry and arguably the artillery – account for around 28,000 of the total. This leaves 50,000 troops who work in support roles – logistics, medics, engineers, staff and the like.
So what about the combat arms? Are we fielding the Army we hear about in the global statistics, which place Britain at number 8 or even at number 2 in the world? Apparently ‘soft power’ and Britain’s ‘cyber strength’ make us more powerful globally than China.
Let’s imagine that fielding troops in combat has some relationship to military power. The infantry relies on the Warrior armoured vehicle. It was designed in 1972, operational in 1984. Its cannon cannot be fired unless the vehicle is motionless, and it is cramped to say the least.
In 25 years, despite billions spent, there has been no new armour. Our main battle tank, the Challenger 2, is similarly outdated. An upgrade to some of our 227 tanks is expected by 2030, which will deliver 148 modernised tanks.
To recap, the British Army cannot field a warfighting division. What it can muster would be beaten soundly in the field by what we still refer to as a ‘near peer’ enemy because it relies on dwindling numbers of outdated armour, has insufficient air defence and artillery and can expect to be very heavily outgunned.
Does this sound a touch overdone? Try reading the House of Commons Defence Committee Report of March 2021. Or just read the title: Obsolescent and outgunned: the British Army’s armoured vehicle capability.
Here is a brief overview from a retired brigadier consulted by the committee:
‘The reduced UK division basically has half the anti-armour capability, only 30 per cent of the tanks of a Russian tank division, two-thirds of the armoured infantry fighting vehicles, 20 per cent of the anti-tank guided weapons and 15 per cent of the self-propelled artillery. It would be very difficult for that reduced division to stop a Russian tank division. A Russian tank division would seriously overmatch the reduced Third Division.’
Perhaps if Ivan waits for three years we may be able to field one division less than half the size of one of his.
So much for the armour. What about the troops?
Progress has been made in the ranks. With 14 per cent of troops identifying as not white, a diversity day was held on February 8 so the Army could learn about how words are violence and that to avoid misgendering people, rank should always be used as a form of address.
Jokes get you kicked out of the Army if they are deemed to be inappropriately funny. The telling of jokes including any bad words, names, references, irreverence towards secular saints, rainbow people and of course men who dress up as women (and must at all times be taken seriously) will result in an immediate inquiry. The joke teller will be dismissed. Everyone present will be compelled to endure a struggle session, where they recount their experience of the Bad Event with a fitting degree of humiliation.
One-to-one support will be given to minority ethnic and lifestyle personnel. Yet another lecture on the damage that words and pictures can do will be endured. You can expect at least one serious lecture a week on the NoNo words, and how even to think them makes you an unforgivable extremist.
Aside from this healthy insistence on values and standards amongst the troops, the Army selects its future officers at Westbury, where it reminds you that the battlefield does not discriminate, that everyone must attain the same standard. You will be told this by a passive-aggressive woman, or perhaps a flamboyant homosexual. The Army is a Rainbow Organisation.
Take a tour of the obstacle course. It contains the usual obstacles – the 9ft wall, the high jump, the 20kg weighted obstacle, the rope climb. Oh, what’s this? Beside it is another, with a 4ft wall, a teeny jump, a tiny weight. That one is for women. The Army calls this gender-fair. It is the same standard. Stop thinking. Stop that at once. It is the same standard.
The kit itself in the combat arms is heavy. You can expect to carry 60 kilos in marching order – 48 kilos+ on patrol. Light kit – what you carry into battle – will come in at over 25 kilos. All these numbers exclude radios, grenade launchers, 7.62 link ammunition, a CLU or missile and tube for the Javelin, and so on. Women cannot carry the loads required for battle yet the Army compels its soldiers to pretend that they can do everything they believe they can do.
The British Army has lost its way. It cannot field a single warfighting division. Its procurement is woeful, obviously corrupt, and its values celebrate the identitarian madness of the cult of the self.
It would be insane to believe people offended by words to the point of injury could be trusted with your life. What kind of camaraderie can you expect when you are one smirk away from instant dismissal? Your fellow troops are now more likely to be watching you for wrongthink than looking out for you in combat. Who would not be demoralised by such a woeful degradation of a once proud institution? The most tasteless joke of all is to send our sons to die in this underfunded, miserable outfit.
If you are in the Army and would like to preserve your sanity and your life, please contact me immediately for some career-ending memes to show your platoon sergeant.