Saturday, June 19, 2021
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Starmer, for and against

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Two letters to the Editor of The Conservative Woman.

From Sir Charles Chatterton, Conservative Member of Parliament, Assistant Under Secretary at the Department for Transport

Dear Kathy Gyngell 

My secretary Catherine, who is an avid reader of your publication, pointed out to me a recent article about the leader of the Labour Party, who is a young chap by the name of Stamper or Starling. 

I have occasionally seen him wandering around the corridors of the House with a haunted look on his face, seemingly unable to locate the lavatories, and sometimes scrutinising the noticeboards in search of something to ask at PMQs.

I know that those surrounding BoJo have been delighted that Stamper has been such a great supporter of the government since the last election, and although this is very gratifying in some respects, I do often yearn for the good old days when the Opposition mainly consisted of horny-handed sons of soil, trade union autocrats and grumpy ex-miners with mild emphysema with whom I could exchange some heartfelt insults before we joined up for a long liquid session of putting the world to rights.

Sadly, Stamper’s Labour MPs are as much fun as an infestation of cockroaches. They are all ex-social workers, lawyers or teachers who seem to know more about Mogadishu than Mansfield, and who would rather spend the evening discussing white patriarchal privilege than join in an all-nighter in Annie’s Bar.

It is no surprise to me to see that a solid-looking farmer’s wife from Yorkshire has won the by-election in Hartlepool. I have spent many happy times in the North as a guest of the Duke of Northumberland, and the beaters and others I met were without exception dependable salt-of-the-earth types who had no time for the namby-pamby wet blankets I see on the other side of the House.

Despite the Party’s recent electoral successes I do have lingering concerns that the PM will became ever more messianic on issues such the green gobbledegook, and lockdowns, and that Stamper and co will be so engrossed in fighting like ferrets in a sack that we are entering a period of deranged dictatorship.

We can only guess what the future holds in store, but from what Catherine has told me I have no doubt that your publication will go from strength to strength, and if my experiences with Conservative women are anything to go by, I am sure you will be very successful.

Your sincerely

Sir Charles Chatterton MP

Tittleham Hall

Middle Tittleham 

From Sophia Pinkerton-Fanshawe, Labour Member of Parliament

Dear Kathy Gyngell

I noticed that your blog recently published an article that criticised the leader of the Labour Party Sir Keir Starmer, for what the author described as his lack of strategy and his unwillingness to challenge the government during the ongoing pandemic.

I write to point out that these allegations are unfair and unfounded. 

Since the beginning of 2020, Sir Keir has been the main champion of our wonderful NHS. Were it not for his unwavering support, the organisation we all love and cherish would have been ground into the dirt by a combination of Tory malice, underfunding and sick people wanting to use its services.

Contrary to those who think he is an out-of-touch, middle-class metropolitan snob, Sir Keir has proved to be a man of the people. One has only to note his support for causes dear to the heart of the British electorate such as Black Lives Matter, the Palestine Solidarity Campaign and Justice for the Beja tribes of South Sudan, to understand that he has his finger on the pulse of the British public.

This was proved most graphically in the results from this week’s elections. For example in Hartlepool, a town mostly populated by white, racist, Brexit-supporting xenophobes, our candidate easily saved his deposit and trounced the Monster Raving Loony candidate by several thousand votes. 

Make no mistake, the Labour Party is laying the foundations for government. It will be a government representing all genders and ethnicities. It will include the talents of Diane Abbott as Chancellor, Nadia Whittome as Health Secretary, Dawn Butler as Minister for Gender Identification, Eddie Izzard as Minister for Personal Pronouns, with Emily Thornberry having special responsibility for patronising the white working class, especially those who display the flag of Saint George.

Those who think Sir Keir Starmer is a just quiff on a stick, a personality vacuum with the charisma of a mushroom, and a puppet of the Trilateral Commission are unlikely to be proved correct.

Campaigning for Social Justice

Sophia Pinkerton-Fanshawe MP (preferred pronoun ‘they’)

Hampstead 

London NW3

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John Ellwood
John is the father of four beautiful girls. He is the co-author of Steam Dreams and other interesting stories. He has generously donated his vaccine to the people of France. John is, thankfully, not knowingly related to Tobias Ellwood.

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