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Tuesday, June 18, 2024
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HomeNewsStarmergeddon: A prepper’s guide 

Starmergeddon: A prepper’s guide 

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INCREASING numbers of Britons are reportedly becoming ‘preppers’ – preparing for disasters such as war, flood, lockdown and pandemic by laying in bulk supplies of food, water, medicine and other essentials. But a more immediate threat is on the horizon. With the build-up to a 2024 election and a possible Keir Starmer government, Britain will become a battlefield as the parties fight it out for our votes. So here’s what the savvy political prepper should be stockpiling in order to survive . . .

1. Toilet paper: To stuff in your ears during party political broadcasts. 

2. Bottled water: To wash out the bad taste politicians leave in your mouth. 

3. Waterproof matches: To burn election leaflets. 

4. Hand-cranked radio: With all BBC stations disabled. 

5. Diesel generator: To defy Net Zero propaganda. 

6. Gas mask: To block out the whiff of hypocrisy. 

7. Hazmat suit: To protect against election fever.   

8. Magnifying glass: To search for a grain of truth in manifestos. 

9. Binoculars: To spot canvassers approaching. 

10. A whistle: To call your dog so he’ll bite the canvassers. 

11. Tins of food: To throw at the canvassers if the dog doesn’t deter them. 

12. Shovel: To forcefully dissuade persistent canvassers.  

13. Parachute cord: To tie yourself to a table leg so you won’t kick in the TV screen when Sunak or Starmer appear. 

14: Duct tape: To help you stick to your principles. 

15. Hatchet, knife and saw:  To cut through all the bull****. 

16. Rat poison: In case of a Michael Gove infestation. 

17. Slug pellets: To deter David Cameron. 

18. Garlic cloves: To deter Peter Mandelson. 

19. Survival manual: Suella Braverman’s resignation letter. 

20. Defibrillator: For when you lose heart over the state of the country.

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Weaver Sheridan
Weaver Sheridan
Weaver Sheridan is a wannabe best-selling novelist, one of his efforts being the Fifties Franny series, available on Amazon Kindle books.

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