Saturday, May 21, 2022
HomeCOVID-19Still scared of Covid? Keep pharm and carry on

Still scared of Covid? Keep pharm and carry on

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Press Release 

AMERICAN International Drug Solutions Corp is excited to announce the rollout of its new safe and effective vaccines, HypoDolla® and SupaHypoDolla®, to combat hypochondriasis. 

Our History 

The company had humble beginnings. Its founders Don Lusconi and Walter (Walt) Alvarez met as university chemistry students.  Their enterprise began when they imported painkillers from Mexico to their home state of Florida. 

They identified a need to offer medication to those who required a pick-me-up to enable them to relax on a Friday night after a stressful week. 

A seismic change in their fortunes came with their decision to produce and market their own drug, MegaDolla®, which became the must-have pick-me-up for high school students who required something to help them concentrate during their graduation exams. 

Don and Walt branched out into other anti-depressants and pacifiers, and during the past ten years they have acquired several pharmaceutical start-ups. 

Our People 

The Board Members are well-connected individuals with the diversity of background, and wealth of relevant experience and connections required by a successful pharmaceutical corporation: 

Don Lusconi (President) 

Walt Alvarez (CEO) 

Rep. Senator Randy Huckleberry   

Dem. Senator Dante Infernos Junior 

Ged Winkleberger (ex FDA) 

Nancy Gribblewick (former Attorney General) 

Gloria Picklewomble (ex CDC) 

Garth Dumble (ex NIH) 

Dwayne Eddy (Google) 

Lynsey Lugano (Twitter) 

Gerard Cortez (Credit Suisse) 

Django Schultz (ex FBI) 

Our New Product 

For too long people have suffered from the debilitating effects of hypochondriasis. It is estimated that in the United States alone more than one hundred million people have this condition. 

The problem has grown exponentially during the recent Covid-19 pandemic. In extreme cases, individuals are unable to leave their homes, they wear masks whilst they sleep, and test themselves and their children every few minutes. 

Our scientists have worked round the clock to devise a solution. Our new vaccine HypoDolla® is designed to give sufferers the chance to reset their miserable lives and cope with their affliction.  

HypoDolla® is a one-shot solution. Within hours, patients will realise that their fears are irrational and debilitating. Many will stop self-testing immediately. 

After two months it is possible that sufferers may once again feel tempted to self-isolate, search for their masks and restart testing. If that happens, regular top-up shots of SupaHypoDolla® are recommended. 

Our Code of Ethics 

Unlike some of our competitor pharmaceutical companies, American International is an ethical company. Despite numerous prosecutions, we pride ourselves on having never been found guilty of malpractice. 

We deplore the avaricious behaviour that is sometimes associated with our industry in the recent past, such as: Anthony Fauci’s advocacy of dangerous or ineffective drugs such as AZT and Remdesivir; the nefarious activities of GlaxoSmithKline, Pfizer, Amgen, Johnson & Johnson, Merck, AstraZeneca, Bristol-Meyers Squibb, Novartis, Schering-Plough, and Serono that have all been heavily fined for bribery in the past 20 years; the off-label promotions that caused Abbott, Alergan, Amgen, Cephalon, Eli Lilly and many of the aforementioned to be fined; and, of course, the disgusting behaviour of Purdue Pharma that destroyed the lives of millions of Americans with its addictive painkiller OxyContin. 

Our Investors 

Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation 

Nhangdreta Pension Fund 

Hunter Biden  

The UK Government  

The Sackler Family 

Henry Kissinger 

BlackRock Inc 

If you suffer from hypochondriasis, don’t delay, ask your MD for HypoDolla® and SupaHypoDolla®! 

You can be sure of the American International Drug Solutions Corp. (A.I.D.S.) 

Footnote: Because of the seriousness of the Hypochondriasis crisis, the Food and Drug Administration has allowed HypoDolla® and SupaHypoDolla® Emergency Authorisation. Phase Three trials are expected to end in 2026. 

The American International Drug Solutions Corp has been granted exemption for civil liability. 

The FDA is aware of 1,254 possible side-effects (including death). 

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John Ellwood
John Ellwood
John is the father of four beautiful girls. He is the co-author of Steam Dreams and other interesting stories. He has generously donated his vaccine to the people of France. John is, thankfully, not knowingly related to Tobias Ellwood.

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