Monday, May 27, 2024
HomeDemocracy in DecayStreet wise: A Met Police guide to who’s welcome . . ....

Street wise: A Met Police guide to who’s welcome . . . and who isn’t


Non-acceptable behaviour . . . please note that the following types of people seen loitering on the streets of our capital are at risk of being interrogated by a constable and arrested at his/her/they’s discretion.

Openly Jewish’: Persons seen in the vicinity of synagogues wearing skull caps whilst eating chicken soup are obviously up to no good and they will be warned to ‘move along’ and ordered to stay in their homes until further notice.

Openly Christian’: Those who engage in silent prayer on pavements deemed by us or the Mayor to be ‘No-Prayer Zones’ (NPZs), unsuitable for such activities, will be arrested. Officers have been trained to determine when someone is silently praying and what that prayer might be. 

‘Openly Far Right’: Smartly dressed individuals of non-ethnic-minority origin, displaying slight scowls or turned-up lips whilst witnessing or reading newspaper reports of violent behaviour by illegal immigrants, will be incarcerated in short order. Other ‘Far Right’ activities such as offering your Tube seat to an elderly person will also lead to decisive action by British Transport Police.

Acceptable behaviour . . . we are happy to escort the following individuals or groups for however long they wish to block traffic, be offensive and cause disruption.

‘Openly Fascist’: During a Pro-Palestine March it is perfectly acceptable for participants to wave Swastika flags and sing hateful songs about Jewish people. We are happy to distribute song sheets to those who do not know the words in English.

‘Openly Eco-warrior’: The Metropolitan Police will give every assistance to vegans, retired social workers, university lecturers and others who wish to sit in the road to prevent individuals attending hospital appointments, funerals, job interviews etc. Please let us know in advance whether you prefer tea or coffee and what is your favourite biscuit.

‘Openly Drag Queen’: There is nothing more representative of the exciting diversity and inclusivity of the city than a parade by men pretending to be women. Like everyone else we love to party, so please give us advance notice to allow us to paint our faces with rainbow flags and practise our twerking.

Mind how you go.

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John Ellwood
John Ellwood
John is the father of four beautiful girls. He is, thankfully, not knowingly related to Tobias Ellwood. ‘My Dear Friends . . . ’ a compilation of many of John’s contributions to TCW Defending Freedom is available in paperback and on Kindle.

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