YESTERDAY BBC Radio 4’s Today gave their prime 8.10am slot to 16-year-old climate change activist Greta Thunberg. Greta wants us all to ‘panic’ about climate change, believes she has a gift of seeing things clearly in a way that adults cannot and that we face an existential crisis. In sum, we are all going to die unless we all do what she says.

It was not Nick Robinson’s finest ten minutes to say the least. He seemed to be quite doe-eyed over the Swedish poster girl for Climate Apocalypse Now, St Greta. But then that is the genius of using a 16-year-old to make life-altering demands from the public. You look mean if you say hang on a minute, not quite so fast.

Here are some of the classic lines. ‘In just a few months you have gone from just a schoolgirl to what is a global movement,’ gushed Nick. ‘One minute you are meeting the Pope and speaking at the UN. Do you occasionally have to pinch yourself and say, how did this happen?’ Yup, it was hard-hitting.

Tomorrow Nick Robinson will be saying to Nigel Farage, ‘Just a few years ago, Nigel, leaving the EU was seen as extremist, but here we are now having seen a referendum pass where 17.4million people agree with you. Do you sometimes have to pinch yourself when you realise what you have achieved?’

Greta is big on panic, wants us to step out of our comfort zones, and tells us that if your house is on fire you don’t discuss anything – you put out the fire. You hear that, folks? No thinking, no debating, no discussion, just listen to the scientists and hand over all your power to these climate change fanatics and do what they say.

It is incredible and, dare I say it, a little sick how this girl has been used. Because she is 16 we are not to ask any tough questions – Nick Robinson certainly didn’t. She has simply shown up at your door, told you your house is on fire, demanded you panic and hand over all your stuff to some dude standing behind her. It certainly is a new take on ‘I’m from the government and I’m here to help.’

And dear reader, if you dare to say, ‘Now hang on a minute, you are only 16 and I am a prudent adult who does not rush to judgement’, you are a climate change ‘denier’.

If you say, ‘I don’t usually take orders from 16-year-olds and my house is not on fire’, you ‘don’t understand the science’.

And if you say, ‘Come on in, Greta, tell me what you want and I think you are just spiffing’, you are Nick Robinson.

Nick chatted some more. It was the starving polar bears that got to Greta when she was eight. In fact, she became depressed when she was 11 but came out of it when she realised she could do something about all this climate stuff by becoming an activist and skipping school every Friday. I’m not diminishing her depression, but I’m not sure that adults saying ‘You can skip school to help you resolve it’ is a responsible thing to do.

Nick Robinson saved the best until last, however, when he mentioned that Greta said she has Asperger’s. Nick noted that Greta believes this was like having a gift. Greta agreed. ‘It makes me different and being different is a gift, and makes me see things from outside the box.’ Greta, because of her gift, can see through lies whereas you, dear reader, without such a gift, are just a gullible fool eating too much meat.

Nick: ‘Do you think maybe it is because you see things in black and white, not shades of grey? There is no compromise?’ Indeed, Greta said, you are either sustainable or not.

So there you are, folks. This is how we are doing public policy these days. We are getting in all the 16-year-olds who have a gift, letting them skip school and giving them everything they want. Because this next generation brooks no compromise. Give up flying, give up meat, because they said so. Otherwise we will all be consumed by the fiery hell that is climate change.

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