This is the latest of Dick Berk’s letters from America explaining to British fascists why the Democrats are the obvious party of choice for the US electorate. You can read his previous letters here, here and here.
Dear British people,
I realize that you foreign fascists might not realize how outrageous the Republic National Convention is. So, allow an enlightened educator (that’s me, you idiots) educate the ignorant.
First of all, we American progressives are outraged that the President of the United States used the White House – his official residence – to broadcast to his party’s Convention. That’s ‘sacrilegious’, says the news channel MSNBC.
Oh yeah, you’re probably thinking that every President has broadcast from the White House. Well, Franklin D Roosevelt recorded some of his fireside chats from there, but he had polio. Trump’s only excuse is Covid. Trump’s legs work! He could have walked out to a broadcast van. But no, he chose to broadcast from inside the perimeter. As a Republican, that’s only allowable if you’re resigning, like Richard Nixon.
Democrats can broadcast from where they like, because we’re better people. Like when President Lyndon Johnson broadcast about the Gulf of Tonkin incident as an excuse for escalating war with North Vietnam in 1964. Yeah, okay, he fabricated the incident, but he was a civil rights advocate, so get over it.
You conservatives cried foul when Bill Clinton committed adultery in the White House. Well, where’s your outrage now? Trump committed television in the White House. That’s way worse. Get on Twitter and express your outrage. Your compliance will be noted after the revolution.
The second reason that progressives (aka better people) are outraged is that the Secretary of State Mike Pompeo spoke to the Republican convention from inside a hotel in Jerusalem. As MSNBC pointed out, he thereby politicized Jerusalem’s holy places. He also politicized diplomacy, says Obama’s National Security Adviser (Susan Rice). Her deputy called Pompeo’s broadcast ‘unlawful’ and ‘dangerous.’ I can’t believe how restrained they were in their reaction. I would have been even more hyperbolic.
The third cause of our outrage is that the chair of the Trump Victory Finance Committee, Kimberly Guilfoyle, referred to her parents as immigrants. Well, one parent is from Puerto Rico, which is considered part of America, if you’re Republican, like her. We progressives know that Puerto Rico is an unwilling colony struggling for independence, so any reference to Puerto Ricans as Americans is imperialist and racist. Her other parent is Irish, which is way too white to count.
As even your Guardian newspaper noted, Kimberly Guilfoyle was the cause of our fourth case of outrage: she shouted during her speech! Now, we all know Republicans have no right to shout!!! We progressives get to shout because we are outraged!!! Republicans shouldn’t steal our outrage!!!
Fifth, Melania Trump spoke to the Convention, even though she’s the wrong sort of First Lady to get a hearing. She’s no feminist! That goes for all those other women at the Convention. And most of them are even whiter than the First Lady. You know, blonde. Ugh.
Furthermore, Melania Trump had the audacity to express sympathy to those affected by Covid. Well, that caused a lot of outrage amongst MSNBC’s exclusively female panel of commentators, who noted that nobody associated with Trump has ever sympathized with all the Covid victims that Trump killed. And furthermore, these brave journalists noted, she strolled out of the White House like she was strolling out of her home. And you combine that with a socially-distanced but not face-masked audience in the garden, and the darkness, and the lighting – it was clearly unconstitutional, and un-American, and offensive to immigrants, and . . . actually, it was quite a convoluted argument that you’d better watch for yourself.
Sixth, and this is related: Trump took a pause during the Republican Convention to preside over a naturalization ceremony. How dare an American President naturalize Americans?! Our progressive journalists, who know a thing or two about political props, described these willing citizens as ‘political props.’
And Hillary Clinton, who knows a thing or two about demonizing people, noted that ‘Trump has spent his entire political career demonizing immigrants . . . Watching him preside over a naturalization ceremony last night was like watching a fox bless a henhouse.’ That’s right! Illegal and legal immigration are no different – they’re both immigration! The clue is in the word ‘immigration’, you racists!
Seventh, the Republican Convention under-represented celebrities. Where were all the actors, singers, sports personalities, and openly partisan journalists that the Democratic National Convention hosted? The Republican Convention featured more people named Trump than celebrities, of whom Donald Trump got more airtime than anybody!
And, furthermore, the Vice-President of the United States got to speak. And not just to speak, but to close out the Convention. And what a disrespectful, irresponsible speech! As CNN pointed out, while sports stars are going on strike in protest against systemic racism, Mike Pence had the audacity to side with law enforcement.
Okay, I admit: one former football player spoke at the Republican Convention. But Herschel Walker was speaking as co-chair of the President’s Council on Sports, Fitness and Nutrition, which is a racist appointment. As if the only role for an African-American male is in sports!
Why wasn’t he appointed National Security Adviser? Because that role is reserved for white people. Except Condoleezza Rice, and Susan Rice, and Colin Powell. I think Henry Kissinger was already pretty swarthy in his prime, but I wasn’t there: I’m just a historian, I can’t be expected to know that far back.
Actually, the RNC featured several African-Americans (or, as racist Republicans have persuaded them to call themselves, ‘blacks’). But Republican African-Americans are oxymorons. The only legitimate representation for African-Americans is Black Lives Matter. If you disagree, you’re racist. It’s really that simple.
I’ll prove it. Kentucky’s Attorney-General Daniel Cameron criticized Democratic Presidential Candidate Joe Biden’s comments on African-Americans. Now, Joe Biden has made it perfectly clear that he’s black inside. So, really, if you think about it, Daniel Cameron is the racist here.
In any case, what Joe Biden really said earlier this month was that African-Americans have less diverse ‘attitudes’ than Hispanics, and that ‘if you have a problem figuring out whether you’re for me or Trump, then you ain’t Black.’ That makes perfect sense to me. I mean, to paraphrase Martin Luther King, we shouldn’t judge a man by the colour of his skin, but the colour he feels inside. In any case, the next day, Biden clarified his statements by saying he meant the opposite of what he said. So, Daniel Cameron is being pretty selective with what he hears.
The poor misguided African-American Republicans kept coming. Senator Tim Scott from South Carolina criticized cancel culture. Well, I’m sorry, Senator Scott, you can’t say that and not get cancelled. (Speed it up, Twitter.)
And Senator Scott kept talking about living out our choices, not our circumstances. Has he not heard that everyone his colour is a victim? I beg Senator Scott to attend my university.
How did he ever get elected with such ignorance of his victimhood? Well, he gave it away in his speech: ‘In an overwhelmingly white district, the voters judged me on the content of my character, not the colour of my skin.’ There, he admitted it himself: those white voters knew Mr Scott was white inside.
So, that was our eighth cause of outrage: racist African-Americans.
Then, further outrage! Somehow the Republicans persuaded an African-American Democrat to say that the Democratic Party is woke and counter-productive for ‘blacks’. Vernon Jones, from the State of Georgia’s House of Representatives, said the word ‘blacks’ so often I lost count. Frankly, I grew faint with outrage. Then I grew deaf. I haven’t heard so much political incorrectness since I travelled to Britain. (Listen, British people: you don’t have blacks, Asians, and minority ethnics (BAMEs). They’re all just coloured, okay?)
I’ve got a tenth cause of outrage. Videos from the Republican National Convention are all over YouTube. The White House even has a YouTube channel. Yeah, YouTube! You can’t question Covid lockdown on YouTube, so why isn’t Trump cancelled yet? I know the President of the United States has been censored on Twitter already, but that’s not enough. The United States executive gets to post videos of any length on YouTube (and on the White House website, I suppose, but who visits that?) Those videos have nothing to do with the Republican National Convention, but some were made on the same days. That’s sacrilegious! Fix it, Google! The fact that it hasn’t been fixed proves that some of those 200,000 employees at Google HQ still haven’t fallen in line. The witches! Restart the witch hunt!
You can help, British people. Boycott YouTube until YouTube boycotts the Republican National Convention. Democrats may depend on it.