I went to the doctor, and she told me to sit down.
Her expression told me it was bad news. But nothing could prepare me for what came next:
‘I’m afraid, Mr Booth, the tests are back and you’ve indicated positive for Testosterone.’
I felt a cold hand clutch at my heart.
Oh my god. Testosterone AKA tosser-testerone AKA StressTosterone: The Twenty First Century Toxin!
Testosterone is identified as the root of all evil by Penny Dreadful, the respected columnist for New Stasiperson (The Hormone of the Scapegoats, available from Sistasi Publishing).
Because of my age the doctor said it wasn’t worth operating. The best thing would be to put me on the Scrap Heap First Pathway.
The good news is that, again because of my age, they found only two molecules of testosterone.
One identified with cycling and one for the computer.
But I can never remember where I put them, so you can imagine the problems I have going to work. Do I log on to the bike, or weave my keyboard through the traffic while shouting and gesticulating at inconsiderate motorists?