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The ABC of Clown World


A brief guide to the vocabulary of the differently-saned

A is for Albaphobia

With this one new trick – blaming Whitey for everything – you can relax into a stupor of legitimised racist hatred. Every instance of crime, disorder, injustice and those horrid attempts to employ people on the basis of competence can be dismissed as the evil project of Mr and Mrs White, who must never have any more children.

B is for Brave

See also ‘stunning’. Any noteworthy attempt on the life of our national culture is ‘brave’, along with acts of public depravity and gluing your bottom to a window to save the planet.

C is for Covid

A classic case of the cure being worse than the disease, Covid was the excuse for flushing all our ancient liberties down the toilet, whilst printing more money than ever to hand to the friends of the people who locked you up for a cold. A fair price to pay for the destruction of society, Covid occasioned the invention of novel injections which have become the leading cause of tragic coincidence.

D is for Diversity

Diversity is a spectrum disorder which is described as flourishing health. It includes the wilful destruction of traditional family values and the tolerance of the organised sexual exploitation of your children by ethnic groups and men dressed as women.

E is for Environment

We must commit suicide to save the planet, but not before we have paid more taxes to change the weather. Pay no attention to those billions of plastic face masks in the ocean.

F is for Factism

Factists base their worldview on observation and evidence – such as crime statistics and medical coincidence – and are therefore dangerous extremists dedicated to an ideology of hate.

G is for Government

Government is a long-running Netflix series featuring improbable minority figures in positions of power. Each season brings a new line-up, but the plot never involves doing a single thing to help the nation and its people.

H is for Healthy At Every Size

The obese are not merely stunning and brave – they are also healthy and beautiful. You have been brainwashed by classical art into thinking otherwise. Wake up.

I is for Ideology

A kind of drug which delivers its users into a permanent fit of righteous insanity, ideology makes a virtue of every vice. Locking people up in front of screens broadcasting this phantasmagoria of mostly peaceful sectarian revenge fantasies has had the effect of sending a lot of them crackers.

J is for Justice

The instrument of justice is the hammer, as any old statue knows. Fire is also just, along with shoplifting, street robbery and destroying the lives of anyone who disagrees with you. The pinnacle of justice is the worship of criminals, before whom the unjust must . . .

K is for Kneel

All loyal party members kneel on camera to show who is right, not what is true. The facts are important only to factists, who may make the troubling assertion that the law – any law – no longer applies to non-white people, because that would be racist.

L is for Love is Love

Why not marry your dog – or your own son? That’s right, bigot. To love-is-lovers, all is love. There are no brakes on the love train. Check your local school or library for details.

M is for Minor Attracted Persons

Who are you to judge where Cupid’s arrows fall? Persons who lust for children suffer terrible discrimination in our white, heteronormative culture of hate. If kids can consent to life-destroying surgery and hormone treatment, they can decide for themselves who to love, bigot.

N is for Not Who We Are

Whenever Freedom ’n’ Democracy™ is threatened by an outbreak of sanity, we are told that this is Not Who We Are. If you find yourself unsettled by the hurtling decline of our civilisation, you may not be Who You Are, and will require Diversity and Inclusion Education immediately.

O is for Our Values

Our Values = Who We Are. Rainbow flags. No white people in adverts (or job interviews) or school photos. Indoctrination. Prosecution for tweets. Dangerous injections. No central heating. Legalised crime for protected groups. Open borders. Noticing things is racist. Do you have a licence for that opinion?

P is for Privilege

Obeying the law, driving responsibly, having a job and not casually stabbing people are all signs that you may be haunted by the ghost of White Privilege. This spectre must be exorcised by the removal of all your actual privileges, legal and otherwise. For justice. Or something.

Q is for Quantitative Easing

Stupid people think that some things – such as the economy – are difficult to understand. Wrong. All you need is a very big printer so you never ever run out of money. Hey presto! Everyone is rich! Paper millionaires will be created every day, while you sell yourself for a tin of sardines.

R is for Replacement

This is a racist paranoid fantasy fuelled by getting on a bus in any western nation.

S is for Sustainable Development

Also known as ‘Net Zero’, which describes exactly what portion of life will be worth living in the great Green future. This involves handing your money to people who build ugly windmills, the wearing of jumpers, and a sudden descent into post-apocalyptic warlordism in the suburbs.

T is for Toxic Masculinity

Men who are capable of protecting their children must be demonised. Source – people who resemble demons.

U is for Unvaccinated

The moral duty of all citizens is to lose control of their minds and emotions on command. Persons who declined to do this are known as ‘hysteria hesitant’ or ‘nutcase refuseniks’. The unvaccinated are those whose stubborn refusal to follow the science has made their case 100 per cent safe and effective.

V is for Victory

When you abandon a country in smoking ruins, it is victory. When palletloads of cash have vanished into a black hole, along with billions of dollars’ worth of weapons, that is victory. Winning is for losers. We have an unbroken record of victory going back 70 years and we are not going to stop now.

W is for Weimar

What do you mean, ‘Weimar Republic’? I don’t see any hyperinflation. Oh, wait . . .

X is for Xe, Xey, Xem

Coming to an email signature near you. Pronouns are another signal – along with kneeling, masks and Current Thing badges – to let others know you are a conceited twit whose mind has been destroyed by the internet.

Y is for Your Truth

Who really thinks reality is real? Idiots, that’s who. There is only Your Truth, your values, your medication, your durable delusions, your uncontrollable emotions over imaginary problems.

Z is for Zygote

When does life begin? If you are Jacinda Ardern, almost never, as abortion under her is legal until the moment of birth. Destroying unborn life is the pinnacle of Liberal Democracy, and it is for rights such as this that we should all be proud to freeze this winter.

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Frank Wright
Frank Wright
Frank Wright is a writer from the North East of England. He lives in Hampshire with his wife and young family. Follow him on Substack at .

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