Friday, July 1, 2022
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The Bjorn-again Boris show

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AFTER the new Abba avatar show Voyage opened to rave reviews, one West End impresario aims to cash in on the hype by producing a political version – a short clip of which has been seen by TCW Defending Freedom.   

It shows computer-generated images of Boris Johnson as Bjorn, Rishi Sunak as Benny, Carrie Johnson as Agnetha and Theresa May as Anna-Frid, all squeezed into sequined waistcoats, floppy flares and skin-tight spangly suits.   

The four also belt out their own take on Abba’s greatest hits, including …    

Partyloo   

My, my
At Partyloo, boy we went on a bender
Oh, yeah
And now I’ve met my nemesis in quite a singular way   

Been banged with a hundred quid fine
But I’m not gonna resign   

Partyloo
Sticking to lockdown was such a bore
Partyloo
Twiglets and vomit across the floor   

Partyloo
That confidence vote was a bit of a do
Partyloo
But I’m going nowhere – so sucks and yah-boo
Par-Par-Par-Par Partyloo   

But I’m going nowhere – so sucks and yah-boo  

Money, Money, Money (It’s a Rishi Man’s World)  

My wife don’t work all day to pay the bills we have to pay
And I’m glad
She don’t need to work at all because she got a zillion
From her Dad
Although no longer a non-dom   

She’s still worth a king’s ran-som
She doesn’t have to work at all, her stash would fill the Albert Hall 

Money, money, money 

Flows like honey
In a Rishi man’s world
Money, money, money
Always sunny 
In a Rishi man’s world

A-ha, ah-ah-ah 

All the things we can do
Cause there’s a lot of money
In a Rishi man’s world   

I Have a Scheme   

I have a scheme, so full of bling
Wallpaper gold, fit for a king
I know it sounds quite pricey, 800 quid a roll
But I want the flat done my way, now I’m in control   

You may think it’s shameful
Refurbishing this way   

But my style is not John Lewis    

Like Theresa tasteless May   

I believe in Lulu Lytle
Squishy sofas, curtains striped
I believe in Lulu Lytle  

She’ll stitch each seam, achieve my dream   

I had a scheme, a fantasy
That has now become reality
Cummings has departed, cast into exile
Man up, Boris dear, no tears crocodile.   

I believe in Carrie
To Number Ten I have the key
I believe in Carrie
You’d better not cross me   

I have a scheme, now I’m the queen


BRINO-ing me, BRINO-ing you 

Brexit In Name Only 

My policy so phoney
I’d watched the vote for Leave, tears in my eyes
Just couldn’t stand to see my Brussels dream die 

BRINO-ing me, BRINO-ing you (ah-ha)
I stuck us to the EU like glue
BRINO-ing me, BRINO-ing you (ah-ha)
As PM I tried to push it through (to push it through)  

Then Bojo came and I had to go (to go)
BRINO-ing me, BRINO-ing you  

Was the worst I could do 

Thank you for the turbine 

I’m an eco-nutter, some call me a bore
A brainwashed disciple of Greta and Gore
But I now have a turbine, three hundred feet high
Blotting the landscape, chopping birds from the sky
I need my ear plugs in  

Cos the blades make a din

But I say

Thank you for the turbine, whirring, zinging
Thanks for all the subsidies that it’s bringing
It won’t work when there’s no wind, but in all honesty
What would life be
Without a blackout or two, even three?
So I say thank you for the turbine
Minced grouse again for tea 

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Weaver Sheridan
Weaver Sheridan
Weaver Sheridan is a wannabe best-selling novelist, one of his efforts being the Fifties Franny series, available on Amazon Kindle books.

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