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HomeNewsThe BoJo Academy: Mr Sunak’s unfortunate malfunction

The BoJo Academy: Mr Sunak’s unfortunate malfunction

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MANY parents have contacted the School concerning the Headmaster’s recent trip to the US, asking what it was about and whether it was successful.

Mr Sunak had been invited by the Principal of the Aged Democrats College in Washington to give a talk on Artificial Intelligence (AI) and what advantages it has brought to the educational arena.

The Headmaster, himself well qualified to extemporise on such matters, was quite naturally thrilled to be honoured in this way and, with the help of the science and electronics societies, worked on a memorable presentation.

After being introduced as King Charles (no doubt a joke on Mr Biden’s part), Mr Sunak was welcomed to the stage where, at the press of a button and highlighting his mastery of technology, he conjured up a hologram of himself to deliver his talk.

Initially, everything ran smoothly, the spectral illusion smiling at the audience and revealing that the whole speech had in fact been written by Chat GPT. Momentarily however, after talking about ‘deep fakes’, the avatar suddenly and embarrassingly malfunctioned. Adopting a sombre and somewhat downcast look, it lapsed into a repetitive stream of meaningless phrases, notably: ‘Stop the boats’, ‘I feel your pain’ and, most oddly: ‘I used to work in a chemist’s shop’.

Quickly realising that something was not quite right, the ever-alert Mr Biden walked up to the podium and started clapping enthusiastically, the audience joining in. Taking the microphone, he summed up the feeling of many attendees when he said: ‘Thank you, President Richard, for a truly wonderful and insightful exposé of what we can look forward to with artificial insemination. The BoJo Academy sure is one lucky institution to have you at the helm.’

Afterwards, the Headmaster admitted that perhaps the opportunity to showcase the Academy’s prowess in AI fell a little ‘short of the mark’, but he insists that he can lead the way. Quite right too, Headmaster.

What a pity that his return to school duties has been marred by a quite ludicrous and unseemly row, centred upon Ms Dorries. Parents might be aware that she was taken on as a teaching assistant some time ago and her ‘no nonsense’ approach to schooling garnered many fans.

She even found time, quite how remains a mystery, to author a series of potboiler novels which received little critical acclaim.

Yet now she has felt it an appropriate time to manufacture a tiresome squabble over something unbelievably trivial.

It seems to revolve around the casting for the forthcoming Dramatic Society adaptation of Kind Hearts and Coronets. As a gender-neutral production, and after a relatively successful audition, Ms Dorries seemed convinced that she had landed the part of Louis Mazzini, a role played magnificently in the film by Dennis Price.

Unfortunately, the producers felt she was perhaps not quite fitting and decided to proceed with the more urbane Mr Jenkin in the lead role. Mr Jenkin, who has responsibilities for school celebrations and parties, was delighted to be picked and lost no time in preparing for the first night. As a devotee of method acting, he could be seen regularly walking the grounds muttering to himself about ‘bumping you know who off’.

On learning of her being sidelined and offered the lesser role of Sibella, Ms Dorries erupted in fury – amply living up to her nickname Mad Nad.

Initially, she stormed to the Headmaster’s Lodge threatening to resign unless the Dramatic Society reversed their decision. Quite correctly Mr Sunak refused to intervene and told Ms Dorries in no uncertain terms that if she didn’t like the decision, then ‘tough’.

As we go to print, we hope that she will have ‘simmered down’ and will have taken stock of her rather precarious position. As the old phrase goes, ‘No one likes a loser’.

Finally, popular old boy Schofield P. will not be available to host the bring ’n’ buy fundraiser this summer. Well-liked by mums and dads, he has decided to take a short break from his media career.

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Alexander McKibbin
Alexander McKibbin
Alexander McKibbin is a retired media executive who worked across domestic and international media.

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