T’WAS on a Monday morning the gas man came to call,
The gas tap was a-turning, but no gas came through at all;
He said: ‘I hate to be the bearer of a nasty old surprise,
But that Putin bloke in Russia has cut off all supplies!’
Oh, it all makes work for the working man not to do …
T’was on a Tuesday morning the electrician came,
All the lights had gone out, TV and radio the same;
He said: ‘There’s nowt wrong with your circuit, it’s connected to the main,
But them bloody windmill turbines are all becalmed again.’
Oh, it all makes work for the working man not to do …
T’was on a Wednesday morning I called the plumber, felt a chump,
No hot water was emitting from my expensive ground source pump;
He said: ‘You know the system works via a 300ft deep hole?
Well, the one in your back garden is blocked by a dead mole.’
Oh, it all makes work for the working man not to do …
T’was on the Thursday morning came the glazier, Mr Hain,
I said: ‘My kitchen window’s cracked, it just needs one new pane.’
He said: ‘New eco-regulations mean such repairs are banned,
I’ll have to triple-glaze your whole house at a cost of 30 grand.’
Oh, it all makes work for the working man not to do …
T’was on a Friday morning the loft lagging chaps were here,
They said they’d cut my heat loss by a million therms per year;
But what they said after going up there, it left me quite perturbed:
‘Bats are nesting in your rafters and they cannot be disturbed.’
Oh, it all makes work for the working man not to do …
On Saturday and Sunday, they do no work at all;
So it was on the Monday morning that I put the bloody place up for sale.
