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Friday, May 24, 2024
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HomeCOVID-19The Iceman returneth

The Iceman returneth

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SIR Chris Whitty has made a surprise public appearance following his emergence from the top secret multi-billion-pound cryogenics facility in the bowels of the Department of Health’s London HQ in Victoria Street. 

As the Chief Medical Officer for England stood at the podium emblazoned with the message Get Your Booster, Please Please Please! small crystals of ice could be discerned on his eyebrows and a small puddle began to form around his shoes.

The man who strongly supported the lockdowns came to explain to the assembled propagandists, who described themselves as ‘journalists’, why there will be a ‘prolonged period’ of excess deaths in the years to come. 

As he spoke in a faltering voice, his deadpan drawl was ever more attenuated and his still half-frozen jowls showed not the slightest sign of movement. His hundred-yard stare had now extended to beyond a thousand.

He explained that because the public had been told to stay indoors, avoid exercise and keep away from loved ones on pain of imprisonment, in order to ‘save the NHS’, there had been an unforeseeable deterioration in the nation’s health. 

He suggested that other causes of the shocking number of excess deaths of up to 2,000 per week could be climate change, eating too quickly, fur balls, an invasion of deadly moths and black mould.

During questions, an intruder asked the Chief Medical Officer if the so-called vaccines had anything to do with the increased mortality number. Before an answer could be given, the individual was rugby tackled by a member of the security staff and bundled into a waiting van.

When asked if he had any advice for the public to protect themselves in this time of crisis, Sir Chris paused for a moment before suggesting they should consider a daily dose of Domestos that he understood ‘kills all known germs, dead’.

A Department of Health spokesperson later clarified the CMO’s statement about Domestos and said that because he was not fully thawed, he misspoke. Sir Christopher was in fact urging people to keep healthy by dancing the Zapateado, a Spanish flamenco dance in which the performer stamps and taps rhythmically with the heels.

After the interview, Sir Christopher was wheeled back to his pod in the cryogenics facility.

TCW Defending Freedom advises readers against ingesting Domestos, or any other brand of bleach.

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John Ellwood
John Ellwood
John is the father of four beautiful girls. He is, thankfully, not knowingly related to Tobias Ellwood. ‘My Dear Friends . . . ’ a compilation of many of John’s contributions to TCW Defending Freedom is available in paperback and on Kindle.

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