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Monday, May 27, 2024
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HomeCulture WarThe Last Night of the Pompous

The Last Night of the Pompous

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STRIKING a sour note in an online editorial, the Guardian has called for the singing of Rule, Britannia! to be banned from the Last Night of the Proms. 

It is outraged that the traditional anthem will go ahead this year despite protests to Sam Jackson, controller of BBC Radio 3 and director of the Albert Hall concert season.

Rule, Britannia! was originally a 1740 poem by James Thomson, which was set to music by Thomas Arne in the same year. The Guardian says that at that time Britain ‘was the world’s largest slave-trading nation and used naval power to build and maintain its empire for two centuries more’.

However, it should be pointed out that slavery is still a sore point with the Guardian after it shamefacedly admitted a year ago that its 1821 founder, John Edward Taylor – who was involved in the Manchester cotton industry – had profited from the slave trade. Ever since, the paper has been self-flagellating about the issue. So, to put things in perspective, perhaps it’s time the words of Rule, Britannia! (but not the tune) were updated a little …

When the Graun first, at Humbug’s command,
Arose from Manchester’s terrain,

It took a smug, entitled stand
And good folk sang this strain:

Guardian-istas! Hypocrites and knaves!
The founder of your newsheet made his stash from slaves!

While papers not right-on as thee
Shall ‘progressive’ trends forestall,

You Grauns shall ever take the knee
And windbags shall heed your call.

Guardian-istas! Hypocrites and knaves!
The founder of your newsheet made his stash from slaves!

Your principles are limp and lame
And if rightly you’re called s**t

You’ll simply Right-wing bias claim,
And throw a hissy fit.

Guardian-istas! Hypocrites and knaves!
The founder of your newsheet made his stash from slaves!

On climate, race, and alphabets
You woo the chattering classes

But you’re no intrepid suffragettes
Just a load of pompous asses.

Guardian-istas! Hypocrites and knaves!
The founder of your newsheet made his stash from slaves!

But we’ll suffer yet more moans
From your cohorts ever woke

The Toynbee dame, the daft boy Jones
And that oddball Monbiot bloke!

Guardian-istas! Hypocrites and knaves!
The founder of your newsheet made his stash from slaves!

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Weaver Sheridan
Weaver Sheridan
Weaver Sheridan is a wannabe best-selling novelist, one of his efforts being the Fifties Franny series, available on Amazon Kindle books.

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