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Tuesday, September 29, 2020
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Home News There’s a hole in your carbon policy, Prime Minister

There’s a hole in your carbon policy, Prime Minister

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THERE’S no coal in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza.

There’s no coal in my bucket, dear Liza, no coal.

– Then fetch some, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry.

Fetch some, dear Henry, dear Henry, fetch some.

From where shall I fetch it, dear Liza, dear Liza?

From where shall I fetch, dear Liza, from where?

– Try a coal merchant, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry.

Try a coal merchant, dear Henry, dear Henry, a seller of coal.

The merchant says coal’s banned, dear Liza, dear Liza.

He says that coal’s banned, dear Liza, coal’s banned.

– Then chop some wood, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry.

Some wood, dear Henry, dear Henry, chop it.

Wet wood’s also banned now, dear Liza, dear Liza.

It’s also banned now, dear Liza, wood that is wet.

– Then switch on the fire, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry.

The electric fire, dear Henry, dear Henry, switch it on.

But there’s no electric, dear Liza, dear Liza.

There’s no electric, dear Liza, no power.

– We’ve got solar panels, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,

We’ve got solar panels, dear Henry, dear Henry, plug in.

They won’t work ’cos it’s night-time, dear Liza, dear Liza.

At night solar panels, dear Liza, won’t work.

– Use the wind turbine, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry.

The turbine, dear Henry, dear Henry, turn it on.

It’s not windy outside, dear Liza, dear Liza.

It’s not windy outside, dear Liza, it’s calm.

– Try the central heating, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry.

The gas central heating, dear Henry, dear Henry, try it.

The gas boiler’s been phased out, dear Liza, dear Liza.

The gas boiler, dear Liza, it’s been phased out.

– Then sit in the car and turn on the heater, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry.

In the car, dear Henry, dear Henry, turn the heater on.

The car is not charged up, dear Liza, dear Liza.

The car is not charged up, dear Liza, not charged.

– Then suck on a Polo, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry.

Go suck on a Polo, dear Henry, dear Henry, they’re warm.

There’s a hole in my Polo, dear Liza, dear Liza.

There’s a hole in my Polo, dear Liza, a hole.

–  Well, suck it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry.

We’ve gone zero carbon, dear Henry, dear Henry, we’re all suckers now.

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Weaver Sheridan
Weaver Sheridan is an amateur local historian and wannabe best-selling novelist.

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