AS the results of the three English by-elections filtered through, champagne corks popped and celebrations lasted deep into the night at the palatial headquarters of the World Economic Forum on the bank of Lake Geneva.
A delighted Klaus Schwab, sporting a monocle and a black uniform embellished with skull-and-crossbow insignia on the shoulders, told reporters: ‘Although zis vas expected I am delighted to learn zat three off my supporters haff been elected to serve me in ze English parliament. Let ze infiltration continue.’
There was also jubilation in the offices of the Tony Blair Institute for Global Change. A spokesperson for Sir Tony said: ‘These three puppets will follow orders just like all the other useful idiots in the House.’
A later press release clarified the reaction. ‘The Tony Blair Institute congratulates the newly elected members of the United Kingdom’s parliament. We have no doubt they will represent their constituents in an exemplary manner. Sir Tony also wishes to make it clear that he is already working closely with Sir Keir Starmer on policies to be prioritised for legislation in 2025.’
At the Open Society’s London office, a smirking representative for George Soros told a supine BBC journalist: ‘These results fit nicely with our mission to support the growth of inclusive and vibrant democracies. They will ensure that the United Nations’ Agenda 2030 is imposed on the British people with little or no resistance.’
Antony Blinken, the US Secretary of State, commended the victors, saying: ‘We are delighted that the electors of Uxbridgeshire, Selbyshire and Somewhere Else have voted for parties that support the sacrifices the people of Ukraine are making on our behalf.’
Albert Bourla, chief executive of Pfizer, and Stéphane Bancel, chief executive of Moderna, issued a joint statement. ‘We are satisfied that these results are an endorsement of our amazing mRNA products and the alliances we have formed with the British political establishment. We look forward to the support of these new members during the coming pandemic.’
The President of the European Commission, Ursula von der Leyen,was also pleased with the result, declaring: ‘The results make it clear that very soon the United Kingdom will be begging to be reunited with our glorious Union.’