Monday, May 27, 2024
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To the barricades!


A TOWN in Japan is erecting a huge barrier along one of its streets to block a popular view of Mount Fuji. 

The 8ft x 65ft black screening will be put up in Fujikawaguchiko because residents are exasperated with tourists parking illegally, climbing on roofs and dropping rubbish as they try to get the perfect photo of the sacred mountain.

The Japanese initiative has now led to demands for similar action in the UK, with several locations already identified as needing to be blocked off for the public good . . .

Barrier location: The White Cliffs of Dover

Reason: To stop illegals using them as an aiming point when crossing the Channel in their rubber dinghies.

Barrier location: Northern Ireland / Irish Republic border

Reason: To prevent the Dublin government from sending Rwanda-averse asylum seekers back to the UK.

Barrier location: Glastonbury

Reason: To keep out the 1,000-strong horde of BBC freeloaders who descend locust-like on the area during the music festival for a spree on the licence fee.

Barrier location: Portsmouth Harbour

Reason: To stop foreign spies noticing that the Royal Navy now consists of only ten ships, half of which are in for repairs at any one time.

Barrier location: Loch Ness

Reason: To stop photographers taking pictures of upturned boats and floating logs, then claiming they’ve snapped the non-existent monster. 

Barrier location: Every wind turbine in Britain.

Reason: To stop them mincing birds.

Barrier location: Canterbury Cathedral

Reason: To prevent Archbishop Justin ‘Woke’ Welby getting out and preaching his anti-Christian gospel.

Barrier location: The Tory Party

Reason: Because it’s distasteful to watch something writhing in its death throes.

Barrier location: The Scottish parliament

Reason: See above.

Barrier location: Sir Keir Starmer

Reason: So we won’t have to see his smug mug after the general election.

Barrier location: The Cenotaph, Whitehall

Reason: To spare the Fallen from seeing what the country they fought and died for has become.

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Henry Getley
Henry Getley
Henry Getley is a freelance journalist.

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