Sunday, September 19, 2021
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Trains and boats and Greta Thunberg

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STARTING tonight, a three-part BBC documentary, Greta Thunberg: A year to change the worldfollows our young heroine as she travels to North America, meets scientists and visits locations where climate change is apparently already having dramatic effect. Her visit coincides with her participation in the COP25 Climate Summit in Santiago, Chile. John Ellwood has had a sneak preview, and reveals to The Conservative Woman readers extracts from the BBC’s impartial contribution to the climate debate.

Part One: October 2019

I am in North America to show the world why we must return to peasant lifestyles. I will be going to Chile to shout at politicians at a big meeting. Papa has written my speech. I was told to travel on bumpy boat. Yuk! It was too far to swim. The journey took two weeks. My team flew here as boat was too small.

When we arrived in New York, in America, the five crew flew back to Europe for more good work saving the planet. Boat had WiFi and Bengt sent me photo of a smiling herring. Happy, but with sore bottom from bumpy boat. 

Canada is very big, even bigger than Sweden. I am on a big mountain called The Rocky. There are lots of rocks and trees, like in Sweden, but a nasty beetle is eating the trees. Soon there will be no trees because nearby oil drilling makes it too hot and giant beetles take over. 

Food here is terrible. No vegan herring or vegan dumplings. Everywhere there is cheese. Cheese is bad for environment as it comes from nasty cows that make bad smell.

Part Two: November 2019

I am in California. I can see more trees. Some trees have burnt down by fire. This has never happened before, and is caused by people flying and driving and making things. It must stop! Bengt sends me photo of him eating a vegan dumpling. I feel happy about Bengt, but also sad about the trees.

I am now in San Francisco. There are lots of people who show good example. They live in tents on the side of road and eat recycled food from bins. I hope that one day soon we will all have this planet-friendly lifestyle. These people are inspiring and show us what life could be like without fossil fuels. Most of them don’t seem to wash which is also good for nature. Wildlife is thriving with many cats and rats.

I am with a respected climate scientist, Professor Owsley Stanley, who predicts that global warming will cause an infestation of giant pink ants and purple killer bees. The Professor believes he will be the first climate scientist to accurately predict the future.

A big hurricane is happening in nearby Texas, with much rain. Never have there been hurricanes with this much rain before. The Earth is upset and crying. 

I was told the big meeting in Chile is also in Spain. Papa says I need to be put on another boat to get to Spain. Yuk!

Part Three: December 2019.

I am about to arrive in city of Portugal, in Chile, in Spain, after three weeks on bumpy boat number two. Double Yuk!! Boat had to change course many times to miss storms that have never happened before. I helped the kind family who are taking me by making them cinnamon buns. Unfortunately, they cannot eat them as they have cinnamon allergy. I eat one and feed others to the white sea birds, but they prefer potato peelings.

I should be at school today instead of saving the world. I now remember it is Friday, and Friday is Skolstrejk day, but instead of being outside school with my sign, I am stuck on bumpy boat. 

I am now on the train to Madrid for the meeting in Chile, in Spain. Maybe I can have a vegan dumpling. Evil Naomi Seibt sends me photo of her and Bengt eating cow meat. Never have I been so sad.

I am about to join a big march to walk through a city. Everyone in the march is angry about the lack of cold weather and rain, even though many Swedish people go to Spain for hot weather. I tell some other marchers that they should go to Sweden for some cold. They look confused.

Papa says I got lots of ‘Likes’ for reading his speech to the politicians and it will help sales of my new book he has written. I tell the politicians they are hopeless fools and must change. They give me a standing ovation as usual.

I am now on my way back to Sweden on a German train that never uses fossil fuel. My team tells me I must sit on floor and look sad whilst they sit in first class and eat dumplings and drink beer.

I am really sad because of sore bottom on hard floor and there is no text from Bengt.

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John Ellwood
John is the father of four beautiful girls. He is the co-author of Steam Dreams and other interesting stories. He has generously donated his vaccine to the people of France. John is, thankfully, not knowingly related to Tobias Ellwood.

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