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Trust me, I’m a tree


The writer is in Australia

THERE’S no denying the fact that I’m a tree. For years I was a victim of gaslighting and draconian conversion therapy imposed by insensitive and brutal parents, therapists and counsellors. Luckily, I live in Danustan (previously known as Victoria), and the premier Daniel Andrews (aka Chairman Dan) legislated to make the practice illegal.

Thanks to the ground-breaking work of the LGBTIQ+ activists we all know biological determinism no longer applies. As argued by the gender fluidity Safe Schools champion Roz Ward, since the great reset and the rise of the new world order based on neo-Marxist inspired critical theory and woke ideology everyone has the right to self-actualise and to be true to their inner self.

Ward declares: ‘Marxism offers both the hope and the strategy needed to create a world where human sexuality, gender and how we relate to our bodies can blossom in extraordinary new and amazing ways that we can only try to imagine today.’

Redefining gender and sexuality was only the beginning of a glorious emancipatory and liberating age. An age where the binary, inflexible and oppressive identities imposed by the capitalist ideological state apparatus and its elites no longer applies.

An age where logic and reason are finally cancelled and truth and objectivity are replaced by raw emotion and the willingness to accept that individuals construct their own reality and how they relate to and perceive others and the world in which they live.

We all know gender and sexuality are binary social constructs imposed by a cis-gendered, heteronormative society committed to cancelling the ‘other’. Forget biology and the fact the overwhelming number of babies are born either as girls (XX chromosomes) or boys (XY). 

On the grounds of equity and social justice it’s no longer enough to limit the endless possibilities for self-realisation to just those on the LGBTIQ+ spectrum. The freedom that genderqueer people have to self-identify as transboi, boydyke, third gendered, bi-gendered, multi-gendered, androgyne or gender bender must be extended to the non-human world.

I started to doubt my birth sex after my unreconstructed, non-gestational, non-birthing parent read me The Faraway Tree by Enid Blyton. Trees became magical places that opened an exciting and imaginary world far from the harsh realities of the Eurocentric, transphobic and oppressive society to which I was assigned at birth.

After reading The Lord of the Rings and seeing the power, resilience and wisdom displayed by the Ents I realised I wanted to be exactly like them. In the battle against evil the Ents played a decisive role and I finally understood if I was to be true to myself, I had to accept the inevitable.

The benefits of being a tree are many. We all know humans are destroying the planet, and in the People’s Republic of Danustan trees are protected and much loved. Logging, hitchhikers and off-road SUVs have long since been banned.

Destructive, exploitive practices such as searching for gas and maintaining power stations fuelled by coal have been prohibited and the state offers generous subsidies to turn the countryside into a green oasis where trees are deified as part of the Gaia. I will never be alone!

Having so many trees is also a plus for all those furries wanting a safe space free from the anxiety and distress caused by the uncaring, threatening speciesism so prevalent in society riven with structural injustice and discrimination.

Being out and proud as a tree is no longer a cause for self-doubt and uncertainty. We live in a society where human biology has been cancelled. Boys can be girls and girls can be boys (or any other category on the LGBTIQ+ spectrum).

It’s time to add self-identifying as a tree to the list!

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Dr Kevin Donnelly
Dr Kevin Donnelly
Dr Kevin Donnelly is a senior fellow at the Australian Catholic University’s PM Glynn Institute and a conservative author and commentator.

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