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Friday, April 12, 2024
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UniParty news – resistance is futile

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TCW  takes seriously its responsibility to promote the interests of the UniParty and, therefore, fully supports its implementation of the globalist policies demanded by the United Nations, the World Economic Forum and the World Health Organization. This bulletin from the ‘Voice of the UniParty’ is a tribute to its achievements and glorious agenda.

Our Hero of the Month

Dame Melanie Dawes: In her role as Chief Executive of Ofcom, WEF member Melanie is keeping a gimlet eye on scurrilous anti-globalist propaganda. The people can sleep soundly in their beds knowing that the running dogs, siren voices and lying hyenas will be permanently silenced.

Industrial News

The UniParty is proud to announce that Nissan Motors has agreed to forgo the production of climate-destroying internal combustion engined vehicles in the UK. From 2030 it will build only cars powered by electricity derived from our ever-rotating wind turbines and our permanently sun-blessed solar panels. Soon you will have the opportunity to see Our Great Leaders conveyed from place to place in these outstanding machines.

People News

We are pleased to report on the continuing decline of the outdated concept of ‘family’. Our programme to allow young and old to define their gender is proving highly successful. As was the case with the words ‘women, father, child, parent’, the word ‘family’ may no longer be used. The authorised alternatives are ‘unit’, ‘a group of eaters’ or, for those no longer able to work, ‘group of useless eaters’.

Handy Hints for the Home

Our Home Heat initiative has allowed several more Party members to enjoy the wonderful benefits of heat pumps. For people on the waiting list we recommend insulating your walls with forbidden books such as the Bible, Harry Potter and anything written before 2007.

Country Matters

With the increasing pace of the Party’s rewilding project it will become increasingly dangerous for those who dare to trespass outside their glorious 15-minute city. We cannot be held responsible for what may happen to those who transgress.

Labour News

The UniParty welcomes the arrival of the growing number of industrious young men from Asia and Africa. We applaud the work of Royal National Lifeboat Institution members and the heroes of our Border Force who facilitate their passage to these shores and look forward to the cultural enrichment our new citizens will bring.

Your Health 

It has come to our attention that some deviants have not yet had their allocation of safe and effective medicines. Those found not to have taken their quota will be relocated to a re-education camp forthwith.

Weather

Prolonged periods of dangerously unsettled weather will occur until 2050 by which time the UniParty will have reached our Net Zero target. Thereafter, the weather will remain unchanged for ever.

Menu Ideas

Fed up with crickets and grasshoppers? For that tasty treat why not try ant soup or beetle surprise? For the latest ways to titillate your palate, go to www.tastybugs.gov.uk

Holidays 

TCW applauds the Young Globalist Eco-Pioneers from Hull who have recently returned from their two-week holiday in the West of Wales. Their journey there in a battery-powered coach took less than three days. While in the area, they volunteered to dig trenches at the new 15-minute Smart City of Drefyyd Greta. 

Finance

The Bank of England is making important strides in the development of the People’s Digital Britcoin. Soon there will be no need to worry about keeping track of your income and expenditure from your small post-tax allowance as this will be done by your local UniParty Commissar.

We are grateful to have wise and beloved leaders. All hail the People’s Globalist UniParty!

This article has been approved by Ofcom, the Department for Culture, Media and Sport, and the BBC’s Trusted News Initiative.

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John Ellwood
John Ellwood
John is the father of four beautiful girls. He is, thankfully, not knowingly related to Tobias Ellwood. ‘My Dear Friends . . . ’ a compilation of many of John’s contributions to TCW Defending Freedom is available in paperback and on Kindle.

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