HAVE you ever wondered about these nameless sources, insiders and ‘people close to the Cabinet’ that form the basis of many news stories?
What do we know about them?
Well, despite being government insiders, they seem very sympathetic to reporters who are passionately anti-government.
That shows a complexity of character, doesn’t it? You depend on the government for your livelihood but spill secrets to partisan news reporters who would never lift a finger to help you if your fortunes declined.
Who are these mysterious people that are experts in their field but never want to put their name to the reporter’s story?
According to Ann Insider – the ethereal source who knows many a mainstream news reporter – this secret group is known as ViewAnon. Their revelations always dovetail perfectly with the preference of the reporter.
It’s almost as if these sources are too perfect. If they didn’t exist, they’d have to be made up. Which, of course, they are not.
Who are ViewAnon? What do they believe? How does anyone find them? Where do they live? When is anyone going to stand any of these stories up?
ViewAnon as a group is difficult to pin down. Some say they come from Chan 4, a bunch of misfits who work in the media.
They seem to live by the principles of cloud computing, where the software of fashionable thoughts is independent of the hardware of reality. This liquidity of thought means it can flit about the globe at will. Which is why a Remainiac who professes to be ‘passionate’ about Europe spends 100 per cent of their time immersed in American culture.
Members of ViewAnon live in the ether, in cyberspace and rent free in the heads of Kay Burley, Jon Sopel and that teenage boy who ran Newsnight. They all believe in a fictional world, full of strawmen and women with dated arguments that are easily defeated. Newsnight was so full of these nostalgic psychological projections it became known as The Goodall Days.
Members of ViewAnon believe in consensus theories which foment in the echo chamber of a mysterious group some call The Condescenti. Without the oxygen of debate, their unchallenged prejudices ferment under anaerobic conditions and soon become intoxicating.
The concoction can persuade Newsnight presenters that they ought to lead their factual shows with personal opinions.
Under these rarefied conditions, the Consensus Theorists have come to believe in ideas that might seem far-fetched to people whose heads aren’t ‘in the cloud’.
Members of ViewAnon believe that it’s 1970 and that the entire British population are so irredeemably racist that their opinions need to be managed. To wean the British knuckle-draggers off fascism, their brains need to be fed a special diet of fact-free news. The Factose Intolerant consumer must be given select opinions. Even entertainment has to be policed, with satire and comedy by rigidly orthodox myopic mirth monitors. Shane Allen puts the ‘i’ into ‘runs BBC comedy’.
ViewAnon has predicted many disasters. In the 1990s, it claimed that the visionaries of Big Tech must be listened to when they predicted that planes would fall out of the sky, the financial markets would collapse and mainframe computers would explode. Unless we handed them twenty billion pounds, they would be unable to save us from Armageddon when the Year 2000 approached. Doomsday never came.
Soon, another consensus theory was being pushed. According to ViewAnon, Britain’s refusal to join a poncy scheme called The Euro would result in a visit from the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Thankfully Gordon Brown resisted the pressure to join the Euro Bubble. Again the seas did not boil, and ViewAnon simply moved on to the next theory.
Around ten years later, ViewAnon began pushing its most pernicious and anti-social consensus theory. Britain had to stay in political union with an increasingly toxic and sclerotic EU. Unless we pledged allegiance to the infallibility of Jean-Claude Juncker, the religious fanatics predicted, Britain would be cast off to drift aimlessly. We were warned, with medieval grimness, that outside the calm waters of EUtopia, there be dragons. Worse, if we drifted too far we might fall off the edge of planet and into space, warned ViewAnon contributor Mick Smetaphor, who also said that Britain was eating à la carte while pulling up its drawbridge and living in the past. Smetaphor is now thought to be working for Facebook as its global village busybody.
ViewAnon pushed the theory that any heretics who failed to believe in the EU were the direct descendants of Hitler.
But nobody believes ViewAnon, surely? You’d be surprised, Emily.
