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Tuesday, May 28, 2024
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HomeCulture WarYour cut-out-and-keep guide to electric cars

Your cut-out-and-keep guide to electric cars

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With the phasing-out of internal-combustion-engined vehicles and the impending disappearance of most European car manufacturers, their non-European counterparts have released a slew of new electric cars. TCW’s motoring correspondent, Jeremy Bonington-Jagsworth, has been road testing the new arrivals.

Rish-E: A small runabout from India’s Murdoch Motors that often seems to be remotely driven by outside forces. 

JB-J says: Unlikely to last long on underfunded, potholed British roads.

The E-Khan: This tiny, useless car from China’s ULEZ Corp would be better named The E-Khan’t. Unable to reach speeds of more than 20mph. 

JB-J says: Cheap, nasty and suitable only for those wanting to prove how virtuous they are or who wish to drive to a Pride march.

Dave-E: Low mileage, outdated design and dull; all in all a pointless vehicle. 

JB-J says: It has no appeal except to the likes of the outdated, dull, and pointless Rory Stewart.

E-Ll Wud 77 (Model T): Built by Shanghai’s FakeCon Motors, this characterless car is valuable only for surveillance. Remarkably, it has become the favoured EV of the Taliban.

JB-J says: Suitable for spooks and misogynists.

Gov-E: This weirdly shaped car is a totally unreliable effort with virtually no resale value. 

JB-J says: Don’t touch with a barge pole.

Lamm-E: How this car is even given showroom space is hard to imagine. On the road test it lumbered around like a drunken elephant. Designed by Bilderberg Associates and built by Starmer Inc., this monstrosity should not be allowed anywhere near our roads.

JB-J says: Dimly designed and dangerous.

Zelensk-E: Priced well out of the range of the average driver. This vehicle requires regular and expensive maintenance (with parts sourced in Columbia of all places) and will appeal only as fleet cars for government agencies with deep pockets.

JB-J says: Likely to be withdrawn from sale in the near future. Not recommended.

MayWok-E: Another car that promises more than it delivers. At first sight it was vaguely appealing but disappointment quickly set in when the wheels fell off after a few miles.

JB-J says: Go MayWok-E: Go Brok-E.

Gor-E: Detroit has been slow to cash in on the ‘Climate Emergency’ and its predictions for sales of this SUV are likely to be as dismal as were sales for its first effort, the Kerr-E.

JB-J says: A dismal Detroit dullard.

Fauci-E: Another disastrous American contribution to this crowded field. The makers of this little EV make ludicrous claims about its performance. It is so badly made that I feared for my life.

JB-J says: A death trap. 

E-Bygum: The only British competitor is this North of England-built runabout. It looks good but prospective buyers often balk at the price. A cheaper version, the E-Ckythump, is expected early next year.

JB-J says: ‘’ow much?!!!!’

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John Ellwood
John Ellwood
John is the father of four beautiful girls. He is, thankfully, not knowingly related to Tobias Ellwood. ‘My Dear Friends . . . ’ a compilation of many of John’s contributions to TCW Defending Freedom is available in paperback and on Kindle.

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