WHILE I hope that Mrs May does not have the brass neck to go for another referendum about leaving the EU, it would be as well to prepare ourselves before the task becomes urgent.
The simple LEAVE or REMAIN choice on the last voting slip was obviously too complicated for: BBC reporters; most of the media big beasts; everyone who has ever subscribed to the Guardian; anyone who has been awarded a first class PPE degree from Oxford; fellows of All Souls who write for the Spectator; presenters of driving programmes; former top-notch goal scorers for England; the entire staff of Channel 4 and Radio 4. To make the next attempt less ambiguous there will have to be more choices. We must aim for total clarity.
Here is one suggestion.
HONESTLY THE SECOND AND LAST REFERENDUM ON REMAINING IN OR LEAVING THE EU FOREVER. HONEST. MY WORD ON IT.
Tick only one box from Q1 and Q2. Use a pencil and do not press too hard.
Q1. Do you wish to LEAVE the EU?
Q2. Do you wish to REMAIN in the EU?
For Q3 to Q17 tick box YES or box NO.
Q3. Do you wish to Remain in the EU even though the French and Germans have admitted that they are forming an EU Army?
Q4. Do you wish to Remain in the EU even though the EU Army may need to introduce compulsory conscription throughout all states?
Q5. Do you wish to Remain in the EU even though the previous High Representative of the Union for Foreign Affairs and Security Policy was so incompetent that she encouraged the Russians to invade the Crimea and attack Eastern Ukraine?
Q6. Do you wish to Remain in the EU even though the deteriorating security situation in France is encouraging the formation of ‘Compagnies Républicaines de Sécurité’ in all member states, forces which will be used throughout the EU to maintain peaceful pro-EU law and order whenever this is threatened?
Q7. Do you wish to Remain in the EU even though the EU Arrest Warrant will remain in force, compelling UK authorities to hand over UK subjects to be incarcerated in the EU while the police and magistrates try to construct a case worthy of arrest?
Q8. Do you wish to Remain in the EU even though this means Germany will be able to give all its unwanted guests an EU identity card, a single ticket to London and a firm goodbye?
Q9. Do you wish to Remain in the EU even though all EU bureaucrats will be given untaxed status commensurate with their arduous duties?
Q10. Do you wish to Remain in the EU even though this means we will be forced to continue building the totally redundant HS2 railway line to fulfil an EU dream of a high speed rail network?
Q11. Do you think HS2, costing more than £60,000,000,000, is good value for our money?
Q12. Do you wish to Remain in the EU even though the UK could be forced to join the euro at an exchange rate dictated by foreign banks?
Q13. Do you wish to Remain in the EU even though the EU is subsidising the removal of British industry to other EU states, such as Jaguar to Slovakia, or to non-EU states, such as Ford to Turkey?
Q14. Do you wish to Remain in the EU even though this means that the UK will lose access to the vital CANZUKUS intelligence network, which keeps our security services one step ahead of terrorist plotters?
Q15. Do you wish to Remain in the EU even though its political mood is changing and we could find ourselves helplessly bound to a political behemoth that is Right-wing, racist, anti-Semitic, militaristic, belligerent and dominated by the type of tinpot dictator that the UK fought twice in the 20th century?
Q16. If the UK remains in the EU under WA terms, do you trust the EU to look after our interests when we have no vote at all in any of the above?
Now look at your responses to Q3 to Q15. If you have answered NO to any question go to Q1 and Q2 to check that you have ticked the LEAVE box. If you have not ticked the LEAVE box obtain a rubber from the monitoring officer, rub out the REMAIN tick and tick the LEAVE box.
If you have ticked YES to Q16 the monitoring officer can give you the name of the nearest psychiatric unit, or if you prefer will ring your carer for you.