IT was the must-see TV show of 2020. For a few mercurial months, Oh! What a Lovely Lockdown – officially known as the Government’s Daily Coronavirus Briefing – held the nation enthralled.
But now, with audience figures nosediving, performances tediously repetitive and its cast jaded and worn, the curtain has dramatically fallen on the pandemic-inspired production.
On Tuesday, after another lacklustre presentation, it was announced that the show – which ran for 80 nights – was being axed with immediate effect.
Oh! What a Lovely Lockdown, a Johnson-Cummings production, was billed as a stirring saga of valiant British warriors leading the battle against the ruthless Germ hordes while gallantly guarding endangered civilians.
From the start, though, critics panned it – one scathingly dismissing it as a story of ‘liars led by donkeys’.
But it did produce a catchy title song …
Oh! Oh! Oh! What a lovely lockdown,
Who wouldn’t be on furlough, eh?
It’s a shame to take 80 per cent pay.
Ordering takeaway pizza
Watching Bargain Hunt
This stay-at-home paid holiday
Is such a brilliant stunt
Thanks, Rishi! Good turn!
How shall we spend the money we don’t earn?
Oh, oh, oh, it’s a lovely lockdown!
Then there was the Dominic Cummings solo …
It’s a long way to County Durham
It’s a long way to go
It’s a long way to County Durham
When your eyesight ain’t just so
Goodbye, rules so silly
Farewell Boris, sir
It’s a long, long way to County Durham
But I’m going, so there!
And we hummed along with this witty ditty about the comedy character known as the Bonking Boffin …
Professor Ferguson snuck away
To see his gal the other day
With a smile on his lips
And a few merry quips
About rolling in the hay
And as he stepped outside he said:
‘Lockdown is just for nerds’
Then he closed the door and went off to score
Shouting out these pathetic words:
‘Good-by-ee, good-by-ee
Half a million Brits are gonna die-ee
Tho’ it’s hard to believe I know,
My clever computer tells me so’
Although Oh! What a Lovely Lockdown is finished, Johnson and Cummings are said to already be collaborating on a ‘second spike’ sequel for the pantomime season, provisionally entitled Peter Pandemic.
